are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize