walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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