if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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