I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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