apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
