We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
