Cold hands, warm shart.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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