It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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