four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
