You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
