I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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