God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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