Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
