Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
