Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
