You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
