It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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