A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She made me pour olive oil on her.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
