elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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