Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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