barbara walters just said penis...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did you just see the Batmobile???
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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