he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
