You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
