i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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