I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
