If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
