i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You need Xanax blowdarts
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
