I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
