There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
