You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
