I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
