True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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