epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
