what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
