her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
