somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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