I just pynch a tree in the face
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
