Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
