Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
