Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize