On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
