just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
