You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
