ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
