put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
