I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
