im about as happy as oj after his trial
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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