Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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