i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
