my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
COCAINE IS GR8
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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