my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Randomize
