this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
