I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
