Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
