I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
