Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
