He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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