Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
