From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You dont lie about slip and slides
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
