I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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