why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize