Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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