If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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