i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Everclear isn't food dammit
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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