I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
