he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
