...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
