DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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