haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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