Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We need to get me chipped asap
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
