Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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