I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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