Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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