I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
