Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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