I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She told me I should be a condom model.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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