you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize