3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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