Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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