you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
