The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize