you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
