too bad you live with your parents still
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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