Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
