It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
