Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
