I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize