I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
