you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
