When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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