she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
please come you make the beer taste better
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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