Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
