Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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