why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
