Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
