She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
