Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
