she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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