Only a mothe r could love this liver
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
