dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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