She's JV to your varsity
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
